In the mood to be in the mood, but not quite there?
You’re not crazy—and you’re not alone.
First things first: it’s extremely common for libido to ebb and flow over time, especially in women. But if you’re noticing that your sex drive has been in park for quite some time, you might be a little concerned. That’s where we come in.
Buckle up—we’re driving deep into the ‘why’ of a lower libido.
Why You Shouldn’t Panic
Let’s pump the brakes on the panic before it happens: nearly a third of women in the United States have experienced extended periods of decreased sexual desire.1 To make things super clear, that means that 1 in 3 women have endured what you’re experiencing now. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a reason to be concerned—but it’s important to remember that you’re not abnormal.
Why You Shouldn’t Compare
The Mayo Clinic and other research institutions agree: there are no definitive, magic metrics to determine what exactly a low sex drive is. It’s all relative. So before we go any further, make sure that you’re evaluating your libido on the basis of what’s normal for you, not anyone else. Still reading? Let’s dive in.
Why It Could Be Related to Finances and Work
If you just felt your heart thump at the mention of your career, ding ding ding. When undergoing extreme stress, your body often shuts down “non-essential” functions in order to keep you safe. One of those non-essential functions? The body’s natural arousal response.
Constantly on edge and putting in extra hours at work? Dealing with a colleague who’s an expert in weaponized incompetence? Struggling to make ends meet and praying for a promotion? Uhhh, no wonder you’re not in the mood! Your body could be shifting resources around to keep everything running. In short? It’s holdin’ on the horn factory until you’re back in balance.
If this is the case for you, it’s likely time to make a lifestyle change. No, you don’t have to rage quit your job, but you should discuss mitigation strategies with a mental health care provider or mentor. Something small you could do right now? Take a few days off, check that manipulative coworker, or find ways to shift how you’re thinking about work.
Why It Could Be Your Partners
It’s not you—it’s them (maybe). If you’re experiencing this dry spell while in a long-term relationship, whether it’s romantic or purely for play, there could be many underlying causes for a lower sex drive. Some questions to consider:
- Are you satisfied in the relationship, in all aspects?
- Have you been feeling distant from your partner outside of the bedroom?
- Is there a concern you’ve been wanting to raise with them, and haven’t?
A disconnect in any of these areas could contribute to a lower libido.
Whether or not you’re in a committed relationship, an emotional connection (or at the very least, emotional safety) can be a huge part of generating arousal. And if you’ve not been feeling your partner lately, it’s really hard to feel like knocking boots.
Take a beat to evaluate where you’re at and consider having a conversation with your partner. If you find that you two are in sync, then you might want to look into a supplement for support. Might we suggest URO Mood & Moisture?
Why It Could Be Your Mental Health
Depression and anxiety are both known to significantly affect libido. Both mental disorders are extremely common—a recent study found that 1 in 5 adults exhibit symptoms.2 If you’ve noticed a dip in your sexual drive and haven’t been feeling like yourself recently, it’s time to connect with your provider to find a solution.
And if you’ve experienced trauma around sex, such as sexual violence or assault, please hear this: it is perfectly normal and natural to have conflicting feelings about sexual activity, and difficulty with sexual drive. Be gentle with yourself, lean on your support network and mental health care team, and do not rush your process.
Why It Could Be Your Diet
No, there are no magic sex beans that you’re missing out on. But a restrictive diet over an extended period of time can affect your libido—for the same reason that severe stress does. A study published in the National Library of Medicine found that participants who struggled with extreme food restriction also experienced plummeting sexual drives as a result.3
So if you’ve been limiting your meals, fasting, or following an extreme diet for a while, that could very well be why you’re not in the mood anymore. Connect with your PCP for support—and to talk about how it’s affecting your body.
Why It Could Be Something Else
The body and mind have a powerful bond—but sometimes, that bond is broken. In fact, even if you think you are feeling a sexual experience mentally, your body may not be responding the way you expect. This phenomenon is known as arousal non-concordance, and it’s evidence that the body and the mind aren’t always in sync during sex. If you’re experiencing vaginal dryness and you know that you’re in the mood, you may want to look into a daily pill that provides vaginal moisture support (check this one out if you’re menopausal, and this one if you’re not quite there yet).
Why You Should Speak With Your Doctor
We love sharing tips with you, and we’re always here if you need us (seriously, always)—but the only people that can know for sure what’s going on with your body are you and your doctor. Connect with your primary care physician to talk about your sexual journey, and consult with them before you make any lifestyle changes.
Why You Should Be Kind To Yourself
When you’re experiencing sexual dysfunction or a lower sex drive, it’s incredibly easy to get in your head. So, we are hereby banishing shame from the conversation. Your libido journey is yours alone—and the only reason you should be looking to increase your sex drive is because you want to, for your health and enjoyment.
If anyone besides your doctor is pressuring you to resolve the issue or perform in a specific way, then we’ve got an idea of what they can do with their opinions. Lean on those who truly support you, and remember to be gentle when it comes to your journey.
