Parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster. Though the childhood years present their own range of challenges, the time spent parenting small children is sacred and seemingly goes by in an instant. Communication becomes more and more crucial as years pass, and your responsibilities shift from teaching them their numbers and colors to having real conversations about periods, intimacy and pregnancy.
Jarring, yes, but inevitable. To watch your child go from toys to tampons is no easy feat. What’s most important when navigating these big moments is that you deliver the information your child needs in a way that makes sense to them—perhaps the way you would have needed to be informed as a scared and hormonal tween yourself.
Today, girls in the U.S. are beginning menstruation about six months earlier on average than they did in the 1950s and ‘60s. While the average age a girl gets her first period is 12 and a half, some get their period as young as eight, which means you may need to be prepared to destigmatize menstruation earlier in your child’s life than most think. Signs your daughter is about to start her period can include acne, mood swings and sudden growth spurts.
Whether you're a confused father or an unsure mother questioning how to navigate the conversation, we have some crucial tips for how to have the period talk.
How To Talk To Your Daughter About Her Period
Say It With Your Chest
Your child will subconsciously form a relationship with their menstrual cycle depending on your tone and attitude surrounding the subject. If you dance around the topic or speak about it with a sense of embarrassment, they can internalize that sentiment and feel shameful about menstruation. Address it with confidence, use real, anatomical words (vagina, vulva, breasts, menstruation) and normalize their cycle—it’s an inescapable part of being human.
Educate Them About Pain
While discomfort before and during periods can be expected, severe PMS symptoms should always be monitored. Make sure your kid doesn’t feel like they have to suffer in silence by educating them on what they may experience while going through menstruation. Severe pain, vomiting, pelvic discomfort, long-term heavy bleeding, unusual discharge and cramps lasting more than three days are all warning signs that your child may require medical attention.
Inform Them Of Their Options
There are many ways to navigate hygiene during periods, with no standout option being “the best.” Feminine hygiene products available include pads (the easiest open for most young women to start with), tampons, diva cups and even period underwear. While hygiene products are nothing to be ashamed of, your child may benefit from having a plan to keep their personal items hidden in a special bag that’s always ready to go. Consider supplying them with a period kit or build it together, equipped with backup underwear and all the essentials they’ll need to stay comfortable.
Help Them Understand Their Emotions:
PMS is no joke and the mood swings that accompany fluctuating hormones (and puberty) can be dizzying for you and your kiddo. However, if you understand why we’re capable of experiencing such emotional extremes, it can make big feelings all the more easy to navigate. Break down the new emotions they may be feeling, from embarrassment to irritability to insecurity to anxiety, so they know they’re not alone. Reassure them that their negative feelings won’t last forever and that it’s completely normal to experience unstable emotions.
Encourage Them To Ask Questions:
It’s impossible to cover every base in one sitting, especially if you’re just beginning to talk to your child about periods. Encourage them to come to you with questions whenever they arise, making sure they’re aware that you provide a safe space to be curious, grouchy, excited and scared. You should also equip them with proper expectations, informing them of the incoming changes they may experience (hair growth, growing pains, body odor, etc.)
Do Something Special:
There are many ways to show your kid you care about them, which might be much needed as they go through such big changes. While some girls will appreciate a special gesture (like a spa day or gift) that marks her entry into the next phase of womanhood, others might find the offer mortifying. It’s important to listen to your daughter to understand how you can make her feel special and supported without making things awkward.
Talk To Your Sons, Too:
Whether it helps them understand their sisters, their mother, their friends, or future partners better, shame around periods can be diminished once boys get looped into the conversation, too. Help them understand what’s happening to their female peers in an effort to cultivate some compassion rather than disgust. When it comes to how to explain a period to a boy, it’s important to emphasize that for kids with female anatomy, periods are a natural part of growing up and they should be treated like any other bodily process.
Empower Them:
Too many women have grown up with internalized shame around their periods and have been made to think menstruation is something you shouldn’t talk about. Encourage your child to know that the changes in their body, both physical and internal, are exciting and entirely theirs to own. The human body is nothing to apologize for nor hide in embarrassment, and periods should be celebrated.
Note Differences In Every Child’s Journey
No two menstruation cycles are the same, just as no two kids are. For nonbinary and gender-nonconforming children, signs of puberty and menstruation can be deeply traumatic. Work with your doctor and trusted mental health professionals to understand how to support your child’s transition into adulthood.
A note about sex and gender: Sex and gender exist on spectrums, and this article uses the terms “son” and “daughter” to refer to the sex of your child assigned at birth.
